he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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