i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
