I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
