it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
