Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
