My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My vagina is officially offended.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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