Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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