i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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