he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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