dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
