i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
