I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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