went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
