Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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