Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
