Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
