watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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