Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
