I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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