out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
