I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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