A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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