I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
