Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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