I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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