ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
