eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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