you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
