i don't like sucking hair
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
