seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone came in the potted fern
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
