i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
