just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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