Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
