9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
