You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
