A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
