plz talk dirty to me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
