It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
