Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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