I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
