dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
