so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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