Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
