After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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