your parents love me but you hate me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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