i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
