I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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