i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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