And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
