i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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