I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
