I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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