I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
